Endure-

Endure-

Wait

Watch

Your love floating through the breeze.

Flit

Float 

Fly

It’s free, rolling through the weeds.
The most beautiful thing

That you’ve ever seen,

Just out of reach.

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Heart-Breaker’s Heart Broken

People talk about their broken hearts.
How they couldn’t leave their bed because of the depth of their sorrow.
They speak of feelings of betrayl, and anger.
Their soul irreparably shredded.
How they will never love again.

Others prepare you for a broken heart
“Watch out for that boy, you hear me? He’s trouble. 
Men only want one thing from you I swear it!”
says your mother.
“Boys suck,  I swear it. 
I’ll be single forever”
Say your brokenhearted friends.

Nobody ever prepares you for your role as heart breaker.
Nobody explains to you how low your heart can sink in your stomach
At the moment when you have to stare into the eyes of the one person you’ve loved the most and wreck them.
Nobody tells you that as soon as the words pass your lips you can actually hear their heart break.
This is no preparation for the weeks they beg you for help and comfort, they cry hysterically and plead for you to come back, they love you, they’ll do better.
Are their even words to describe the sorrow that accompanies having to say “no” so coldly.
Having to resist the urge to take them in your arms and comfort them the way they comforted you.
Having to pretend that this is what you want.
Screaming in your head
THIS IS NEVER WHAT I WANTED BUT IF I DON’T LEAVE NOW WE WILL DIE THIS WAY.
Your mouth forms the word “No”
But your brain races “God, yes. I love you. More than anything. I swear this isn’t what I wanted. I swear it. I swear it.”

In school, they don’t teach you
How to cope with the guilt of doing what you hope was the right thing
What you’re pretty sure you had to do
What others told you, you should do
No one told you how to stay strong when your feelings waiver
Between missing them and needing space
Between needing them but not wanting to hurt them anymore.
No one tells you how hard it will be to not dial their number at midnight
Wait till they pick up and say:
I still love you.

Love is not always patient or kind

For as long as I can remember my mother has had a picture hanging on her wall with the words ” Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not boast. Love is not proud…..

I now know that these words are sampled from Corinthians… As Google tells me.  I used to just think they were kind words to live by and remember.  Growing up I have looked at these words many times in various lights-

Words From His Friend

You’re so fast and sad
He tells me:
“You gotta understand
that shit he says
The way he is
He doesn’t want to be that way
like man, he’s lived
Partying and sluts
That’s not the life
That’s not the half of what he’s lived
He’s lived the hard life
Like shit,
I live in crazy
But damn, 
He’s seen some shit
You don’t have forgive him for the shit he says
But you gotta get it”